Obscure Clarity

She is there by his side...

2011-09-30T20:52:00.007+05:30

She is there by his side

No matter which way is the tide

It could be going up or down

He always wears her crown

She is his good luck charm

He always has her on his arm

He may be near or he may be far

The doors of her heart are always ajar

He is the one in whom she totally believes

Her pains and sorrows he always relieves

They may be apart for a while
But he thinks of her when he goes to lie

They do have their regular fights
But these tunnels do end in lights
She is always there by his side
Always and forever by his side

Last Letter to My Dad

2010-02-09T20:01:00.003+05:30

Dear Dad,

When I got up today morning, I had a faint suspicion that today something was gonna go dreadfully wrong. I have had this feeling on so many days in the past, so just as I did on those days, I chanted the "Gayatri Mantra" a few times in my mind and set about to start my day.

Today was not like the other days that had passed uneventfully and peacefully. Today when Mom called me on the phone, I knew that this time was not like the other times. This time what I dreaded and hoped would never happen, happened. We lost you today Dad.

You never ventured near the computer or the Internet while you were with us, I hope they give you the Internet on the newspaper there, cause then I am sure you will read my last letter to you.

I have seen snaps of you holding me when I was young. I remember a particular snap with you in a white shirt with black dots looking down at me and smiling. I remember the stories you told me about how we used to go to see Mom in hospital when Prabal was about to be born. Me in a raincoat standing in front, with you driving your Lamberetta scooter.

In fact the earliest memories I have of you are you coming to pick us from school on that same scooter. You were always late Dad.....always. Well at least that gave us a chance to buy sweets from the small shop next to the school gate. I remember we used to go for picnics on that same scooter. The four of us. And remember, I always sat on the carrier behind and you even skidded the scooter once and we all had a great fall.

I remember you telling us that when you were younger, the girls complimented you for your Italian good looks. I am sure Dad.....where else do you think I have got my good looks from?

I remember how you used to comb you hair for ages just to make sure your puff looked just right. You used to stand in front of the mirror and admire your dimples. I remember the songs you used to sing to get us to sleep.

Dad if I have to describe you, I need just two words. A fighter and a complete family man. Your last fight with the long illness of more than 15 yrs shows the will you had to live life. The will was to see us settled, for us to have our children and for you to play with them. I don't remember a single occasion when I heard you say that you did not want to live anymore.

We know that even after you had your first and second attack in Port Blair and even while you were in ICU you clearly instructed us that we would stay on in PB till we both finished our 12th and got admissions in good colleges. That was how much you valued you family.

I remember the first time when we actually went out as friends was when we went to Allahabad and you dropped me to college. We had lunch of tandoori chicken and thumbs up and then we went to college. You told nearly everyone you met to take care of me and for the first time I saw you cry as we said good bye. I hope you are not crying now Dad, as this time the bye is really for good. I didn't cry then but I am crying now.

You loved your meals at a nice restaurant occasionally. It had to had to be only butter chicken and naan. We always forced you to try something else, but you never gave in. I wish we could have a meal together now Dad, and this time I will order the butter chicken and naan for you.

You loved to watch a movie before that. I know how keenly you were waiting for "My Name is Khan". The movie is running now Dad.....Can we see this movie together? We always fought on who would buy the tickets and whether there was any point in seeing it in a PVR. I will buy the tickets Dad and we will go to Delite like you always wanted.

The gol gappa wala at gole market really looks forward for your visit. Whenever I went there alone without you, he asked me "Babuji kahan hain?" I always told him "Jaldi aayenge, khatta paani peene ka man karege toh aayenge". I wish I could give him the same answer now Dad.

I am lucky I bought myself a new cellphone just in time. Although you did not appreciate the colour (Koi acha pink, blue nahi tha kya?) it sure has a good calendar and scheduler. I will need it now as you will no longer remind me when my LIC premium or house installment is due. Dad you did that for Mom, Prabal and me. I always wondered how you managed it. I remember I also coaxed you into paying the installments for me sometimes.

I feel bad now that you had to lure me into coming home to see you. "Samit, Mummy ne aaj tasty chicken curry banaye hai....aake kha le". Why did you never say "Samit come home, Iwanna see you". I hate myself for not coming home often enough to sit with you and talk to you.

In spite of not being too well you wanted to go out and visit places with your family. I know you used to tell Mom, I can go anywhere in the world if my sons are with me.

Finally Dad, I hope U had a satisfying and fulfilling life. You got your sons settled and married, you have a lovely grandchild. You have ensured our Mom has all the worldly conveniences. I hope there were no dreams unfilled except the one or two I know about.

Dad please rest in peace coz I will fulfil them.

Thank You Dad for loving us all so much. Thank you for making us the stand on our feet and for being there every step of the way. Thank you for everything.

Your loving son

Samit

The Many faces of Love

2010-01-14T21:03:00.003+05:30

1992 - 93 - 94

He was in class XI. Final exams around the corner. If he passed he would move on to class XIIth and then boards and then degree college followed by a job and then marriage. Only the last part interested him and that was what was precisely on his mind as he stared at the other end of the class.

Hair tightly tied into two plaits neatly held in place with red ribbons. A plain neatly ironed school uniform, white socks pulled up nearly to the knees and shining black shoes. He found her the most beautiful girl in the world. He had been staring for a few hours now, and for months before that...Yes HE WAS IN LOVE.

He had spent hours drafting love letters and tearing them up....he was good at Mathematics....she used to go for tutions...He enrolled for the same classes and stared some more there. He would translate the Maths lessons into Hindi and wrote them down and then passed it on to her...hoping she would understand now...

He lay awake at nights wondering if her lips were pink or red??? Did she even notice him? Did she know he existed? He thought their eyes met in class last month....did that actually happen?

He wrote her name followed by his surname and stared at it for hours each day.

He told her he loved her at least a million times a day....in his mind.....

It may not have been love in the true sense but it definitely was a strong attraction....and only one sided. She did not feel anything for him.

2001

His marriage was fixed.....

A lot happened in between but she was the same girl...

The pig tails had been replaced by flowing bouncy hair. The school uniform with flowing dresses and the shoes with high heels.....Now that the marriage was fixed, she noticed him, smiled at him and he told her he loved her.

They would go on looooong drives and he would hold her hand all the way. They would listen to songs on the car stereo and sang together. The sat the whole day at Buddha Jayanti park. He kept looking at her and cooked up excuses to touch her, hold her hand, give her a hug.

During the courtship, when she was at her parents place, he would beg his mother "Mom after 11 the STD rates are one fourth, can I please speak to her for the whole night once???"

He told her she was beautiful every time he saw her. He used to open the car door for her each time she got in. He never got irritated with her and was always willing to listen to her stories. In fact he wanted her to keep talking so he could just sit and look into her melting eyes.

The love had increased but still had a long way to go. He showed his love more than he actually did.

2010

He is still the same and so is she. The only thing that has changed is the time they have been married.

He loves her now. In the real sense of the word. He makes sure that she is always comfortable. If she wants something he gets it for her. He hugs her and sleeps at night. He cant sleep without her. He still teaches her....

He comes back home from office and looks forward to sitting with her and share the happenings of the day gone by. He loves going for long walks with her. He cries silently when she is unhappy. He prays for her happiness.

He gives her space. He loves it when she goes to meet her friends and comes back smiling. He loves taking her on holidays. And she loves him back..with conviction and in a way only a woman can.

But.....

He hardly tells her he loves her.

He never holds her hand when they drive.

Rather than singing together, they argue in the car.

Buddha Jayanti park has become a cheap place now.

He stopped opening the car door for her long back.

He gets irritated often and dosent look into her eyes when they talk.

The love has grown.....but when and why did he stop showing it?

Authors note: All unmarried people may come back and read this post a few years after marriage. It just might make sense then

Auto Expo 2010

2010-01-09T20:44:00.006+05:30

Delhi is a great place.......apart from the fact that I was born here......its got fairs and expos....things which I love to go to.......Trade fairs I never miss and this time I decided to go for the 10th (I think) Auto Expo......

Now as brought out above.....I was born in Delhi, which makes me an Indian......and Indians don't have the word "Tickets" in their dictionary. So being a true Indian, I ignored the phenomenon called tickets and sought out on my mission to manage FREE PASSES.

Lots of phone calls.....texts......mails.....but no luck. After all India has a huge population and all Indians have the right to free passes. Lots of friends started avoiding my phone calls, acquaintances started ignoring my calls......But I like these times....fair weather friends are sifted out from the real friends.....and at the end of the day U can figure out who are the people you can really count on. Nothing against anyone, but all I expect is take my call and say "Sorry dude, cant manage passes".....Don't just ignore the calls.

Anyway, there is this sweet friend....bechari was doing duty at the auto expo and somehow she managed to get me two passes.....one for me and one for the wife....who surprisingly wanted to go along (though I have doubts about what she was more interested in....the cars or the food). So God bless this friend.....May she keep managing passes for me all her life.

Very prudently, I had decided to go to Pragati Maidan on my bike in spite of the chilling winter. I had suspected there were going to be traffic snarls. Forget cars, there was no parking even for my bike. Luckily I spotted the supreme court parking and parked my bike there on the sly. There was a huge traffic jam and even crossing the road on foot to approach Gate No. 7 was a mammoth task. After dodging a few cars and jumping over the bonnet of one, we were within sight of the gate. The snaking queue there was daunting enough for us to have second thoughts about entering the expo. Finally after a few shoulder pushes and elbow jabs, with my wife protected in front of me we managed to enter the gates.

As expected, it was mayhem....people and more people were all over the place.....long queues at each pavilion....I wanted to go to the BMW and Audi pavilion and the wife wanted to go the food courts.....There was no point arguing though...Both were equally inaccessible. We decided to try one of each.

The BMW pavilion had a serpentine queue....we braved our way in......We cud see the cars standing in the distance and each had a heavily made up and scantily clad model with it. The huge crowd was clicking away to glory. Some were clicking the cars, most were clicking the legs. I was interested in neither specially from this distance. So we pushed our way out and decided to try the food court. The crowd was as much there.....and the claustrophobia got to us.....

The only thing left now was to try and figure out the way back to Gate No 7.....that was what took us about an hour.....The auto expo as such had taken us only about half an hour.....and so in all of about one and a half hours we were back to where we had smartly parked our bike.

So at the end of it, I was glad I had acted Indian and managed passes and not wasted precious money just to make a huge effort to get into Pragati Maidan and a larger effort to get out.

Never Again...

2009-12-05T14:59:00.005+05:30

Three times in three months......

I never thought I could do it...but well I have.

I don't think I have done it before.....I don't think many people have done it.....and I certainly never ever want to do it again.

Yes, I have managed to fall sick for the third time in as many months. And sick does not mean a running nose and a sore throat....sick means that along with 102 fever, total lifelessness and a dead feeling.

I was trying to blame it on the winters but I don't think that is the reason. But the silver lining in the otherwise dark cloud has been my realization of the value of family and friends.

Even though I have fallen sick consistently, the family has been there every time and every day. The calls from friends which are so taken for granted on healthy days become a reason to smile when one is sick. Some friends who don't call or visit when you are healthy make sure they do it when U are down. These are real friends.

Couple of friends dropped in yesterday when I was feeling really...well dead....and they sat for a couple of hours and by the time they left I was feeling like living again. Then there is the doctor friend.....I think whenever I call him I am sick and thankfully he treats me with the same enthusiasm each time. Some friends just say "Heylo" and it feels so much brighter......

This post just to thank the family and friends.

The Trip to Srinagar

2009-11-10T16:10:00.013+05:30

The wife and I have a rule... We go out on our anniversary...Go out and relax....discuss the year gone by...make plans for the coming year (which mostly never work out) and basically just have a blast. Since we were in Delhi this time, we decided to make a trip to Kashmir. Also, we have a cousin in the Army who is currently posted in Srinagar, so basically the time seemed ripe to make a trip there.

I made use of my LTC and let the Government pay for my trip there...it seemed right also. They were the ones unable to control what was happening there and so if I was going there at my risk (despite advices by everyone not to), I thought let them at least pay for it.

So we boarded the flight to Srinagar. The flight was short and sweet. Before the plane even started to take off, lunch was being served, and by the time the air hostesses cleared it, it was time for landing. Pity, i could not even complete the movie on the in flight entertainment system. The view from the plane was amazing. The snow covered mountains and the clouds seems to merge together. The most noticeable thing being that the mountains were mostly barren, devoid of any vegetation.

We landed at the Srinagar airport. Even before landing, one can begin to see the effect of militarization there. The airport is completely camouflaged and one can even catch a glimpse of air force planes stationed there. As soon as we deplaned, the first thing to hit us was the cold icy wind, followed by the realization that there seemed more policemen and guns than travelers and bags. It became even worse as our trip progressed. Apart from the Army, there seemed almost every para military force stationed there. I could not help wondering how all these forces coordinate among themselves and decide their area of operations.

We also realised another thing. All these years of militancy had taken its toll on Kashmir. That place is at least 25 years behind the rest of India in terms of development and infrastructure.

Anyway, now about the good part. That place is truly paradise on earth. We were not visiting during the peak tourist season, yet the beauty of the place had us stumped. Nearly every tree had a colour of its own and the flowers were still blooming.

We visited Gulmarg, where we found snow only after taking the Gondola (cable car) to the highest mountains. On the way from Gulmarg to Uri, we visited an orchid and saw apples on trees for the first time.

Uri, is another place which is not really frequented by tourists, but actually is a beautiful place. We visited the Kaman Setu, which is the bridge from which the Bus to Pakistan crosses over and also is used by the trucks carrying out trade between Indian and Pakistan. We saw a few Pakistani trucks and they seemed really funny, all decorated with mirror work and fancy paints.

On the way we crossed Baramulla and Kupwara which saw major action during the Kargil war. These places see infiltration on a daily basis even today. In fact just a month before Major Suri had lost his life in an operation in Bandipora, and this happened while his wife had come over to Kashmir to celebrate his birthday and was waiting for him in a guest room in Gulmarg. Hats off to these Army guys. Believe me guys, one has to go there and see what these guys go through to understand the Army. Listen to this. These guys man the forward bunkers all through winter. They are cut off from all civilisation for four months. All rations are stocked in advance. For four months, about a handful of guys in a bunker....snow all around. No TV, no cells, no hot food, no bath.....I mean basically no nothing. Get these guys to come and play Big Boss......

Salute U guys...each one of you. Just one thing baffles me. What motivates these guys. To protect us like this. To try and climb a mountain with an enemy bunker on top. He is sure to be killed. Why does he still do it. Love for the country.....maybe.....not too sure.....money....surely not....Fame....absolutely not...Does anyone know Major Suri???? Someone explain this to me please. We were lucky to meet Major's brother in Gulmarg. He had come to see the place where his brother served. Hats off to you too Sunil......

Well. another thing baffles me. How can three strands of a flower cost so much. Saffron.....yes. We visited the fields where these flowers grow. I plucked a few flowers. Will sell them someday when I am bankrupt.

We also visited Pehlgam which is also really beautiful and more like a conventional hill station with a Mall road and shopping. We also hung ourselves on an electrified fence, but thankfully Kashmir is still a part of India and the electrification was not working.

I also picked up some walnut wood furniture from Srinagar which cost me a bomb but people say is worth it.

So all in all it was a great trip, and actually an eye opener.

Authors note:- I dedicate this post to Major Suri and all the Army guys out there.

Ban on Blogging

2009-10-20T20:54:00.006+05:30

"Yaar blogging banned hai China mein"

I cud not believe my ears...or rather my gtalk. Maybe my computer had got a virus...a Chinese one at that.

"Also facebook, twitter and orkut" He continued. There was no mistaking that one. My antivirus was working.....This was no virus.

"Arey, stop kidding me......are u serious?" This school chum of mine was known for his desire to evoke a response with every statement of his. But I guess this time he was dead serious.

Now this is like a double edged sword if you put some serious thought into it. Its not just about blogging...Its about their whole attitude. Nothing lackadaisical about it. They mean business......this time and each and every time.

If you think as an Indian, there is absolutely nothing wrong with blogging. Its a nice way to vent your feelings, and also to improve your language and writing skills. Now think as a Chinese, and suddenly its bad enough to be banned....."Chin Chan Cho..hwa..me toh". I guess thats how they discuss it. Translates to "When people are blogging or accessing facebook, they are wasting time. They rather be designing missiles to counter the US or viruses to hack into the worlds defence organisation." or " Blogs and facebook can create a mob mentality"

Which is the right thought process no one can be sure. An Indian thinks blogging is right. The Chinese have banned it. The Chinese are making rapid progress, they are knocking on the doors of the US and the Indians are well....I mean OK...they are making progress.

Whatever be the case, and whatever the question. Is banning blogging the answer?

Authors note: I discovered blogging a year back, and as Mc Donalds says...." I am loving it"

Wake Up Sam

2009-10-04T12:04:00.006+05:30

I love the Movies.

I love cuddling up in these really comfortable PVR cinema seats, sinking comfortably in to the depth of the nicely cushioned seat and drifting away to sleep. So obviously, I like the English movies better. I dont understand head nor tail, and the dialogues actually work like a lullaby. The Hindi movies are more disturbing. I am forced to wake up when the back ground music enhancing the melodrama gets louder. Or I willfully open them when the item number happens.

So when the sister in law asked me which show I wanted to see of this new movie "Wake up Sid", I promptly said "laaassshtest...late night". Suited me perfectly. I would be tired after a hectic day of golfing and shopping and would catch up with my sleep. Killing two birds with one stone.....take the wife and sister law out for a movie...while I catch up with my sleep.

But that was not to happen. It turned out to be an amazing movie. Am not gay, but Ranbir looked dashing...Konkana stunning and controlled as usual. Every scene oozed some emotion. Sometimes, it made ur eyes numb, sometimes it made U laugh, sometimes just smile...but something stirred with each scene.

But my mind stirred (unusual activity by my mind) when i got home and lay in bed. Sid, in the movie was lucky to be shown the mirror and had enough time in hand to mend his ways. Its also not only about mending ur ways. Its also about fulfilling ur ambitions, ur desires, ur dreams, ur fantasies.

So I lay in bed and thought. I have reached nearly the halfway mark (calculations based on average life expectancy in India) of my lifetime. Have I achieved whatever I wanted, or even some part of it. Forget that. Do I even know what I want to achieve. Forget about ambitions and goals. Lets talk about the smaller pleasures of life. I have a long list of pending jobs.

I want to see the joy on a beggars face when I hand him a Rs 500 note. The only problem here is I have not yet identified a genuine beggar.
I want to ski down a snowy mountain slope.
I wanna back pack or drive around Europe.
I wanna visit the country side of US.
I want to make love to a blonde.
I wanna play and grow with my kids.
I wanna give to my parents.
I wanna have a huge bathroom with a bathtub in my own house.
I wanna drive around India in my own SUV.
I want my friends to trust in me and call me when they need me.
I wanna get drunk and let my wife drive me home (yes, I wanna do that once).

The list is never ending. I want to do so much. There are a lot of things I have already ticked off from this list of mine. But the pending list far out weighs it.When will I do it. Have I even planned for it. Am I preparing it? When will I make love to the blonde? When I am 70??? I mean dreams can only be fulfilled and hold their importance when they are fulfilled at the right time. I cant go back packing in Europe when I am 55 nor can the wife drive back a drunk me with my two teen aged kids laughing at me.

Wake up Sam

Damn it...IT

2009-10-01T20:34:00.008+05:30

I am basically a Mechanical Engineer...or am I.......Well at least I have the degree. I was a cadet at a defence academy and I was rolling in the slush, and I was getting punched in the stomach, and I was running Dukes Nose (all those who have visited Khandala will know) and back in 40 min with a 20 kilo back pack on my back, and I was climbing ropes and running 15 km cross countries every Sunday. I was doing this for 4 years and at the end of it they gave me a B Tech degree in Mechanical Engineering.

So needless to say I am not too proud of my Engineering knowledge. I barely know the three laws of Thermodynamics.....and I guess that's about it. I did well in my B Tech....maybe that means I got beaten up well and I climbed ropes well, but my organisation decided to send me for M Tech, and that too at the Indian Institute of Technology and in the Greek field of Information Technology.

Before I got this news, my IT skill were nothing to write home about. I could recognize a computer when I saw one, I could differentiate between CPU, monitor and a keyboard and well...that's about it. Formatting a word document was like solving a 3rd degree equation to me.

Thankfully I found a few helpful friends at IIT. They taught me the basics of IT and brought me up to some respectful standard, where from failing in exams, I started doing well. Three cheers to those guys and God bless them.

My IT skills are still limited. Guys who know can see through my facade.....instantly.....A friend in Kolkata once told me..."Its so easy to make out that you are not too good at IT.....You still think like a Mechanical Engineer".

Anyway, the reason for writing this blog, is to thank my sweet friend who decided to take pity on me and do up the background of my blog. I guess this friend was not as straight forward as the Kolkata one and did not tell me that she understood I knew nothing about IT. So not surprisingly, I needed only one request and absolutely no persuasion to get her to agree to doing up the blog.

Thank You Madam

Big Weekend...Small Town

2009-09-21T08:17:00.008+05:30

Haryana...Love it....hate it...but you just cant ignore it.

I generally don't form opinions, but even I have an opinion on Haryana. And surprisingly it has changed drastically over the years.

Opinion 1. I had not seen Haryana then, I had not see Haryanvis then. I had only heard about them. The general opinion was, stay away from them...I didn't waste any energy forming my own opinion.

Opinion 2. I had not seen Haryana then, but I had closely seen a few Haryanvi men. No don't get the wrong impression. I just found these guys to be strong, single minded, focused and their best quality..they didn't care about

the world or about what the world thought about them. So I started liking Haryana.

Opinion 3. And then I saw Haryana and saw the Haryanvi girls. And I fell in love with both. Karnal, Panipath, Kaithal, Pipli and most recently Yamuna Nagar. Lets leave the names of the girls out. I love Haryana now.

So when the wife asked me (told me rather) that we were going to Yamuna Nagar over the week end to attend a family function, I did not try and shoot my usual barrage of excuses. Yamuna Nagar...yes I had been there earlier and wanted to go there again.

I love the drive on NH 1 with all its Dhabas. I always make it a point to stop at one of them and my standard order is Aloo Pyaaz ka tandoori paratha with Dahi (although a Haryanvi friend of mine does not have a very high opinion of the Dahi at these Dhaba. I respect her opinion but I respect the Dahi better).

I love the drive. There is no need to drive lower than 100 kmph on NH 1.

Once U leave the highway and take a right from Pipli, Haryana becomes more obvious in all its glory. The lush green sugar cane fields, the desi sharab ki dukaan, the men in while kurta pajamas and white shoes, the women with duppatas over their head and face.

Approaching Yamuna Nagar, seemed akin to getting close to Nainitial or Shimla with all the mist and fog. The roads were surprisingly empty and we had a lovely drive. The wife and I even got to discuss long pending issues.

Yamuna Nagar is a small town just like so many others all over India. The roads are meant for cycles, people, carts and bulls. Houses are kothis and many of them still have the aangans with no ceilings. Electricity wires try to fight each other other from one make shift pole to the other. Colonies have been planned, assuming no one will ever own a car. There is no space for even two scooters to pass abreast, forget cars.

But....neighbours still greet you when U go out in the morning to sit in the jhoola in the courtyard. Parathas there taste just like granny said they would. The milk and curd there tastes like well..milk and curd. Every time I went to a house and was offered coke, I shamelessly refused and asked for a glass of cold milk instead.

The drive back was as nice. This time shoping stops were added enroute. The wife had acquired all necessary information and I was navigated to the whole sale market for bed sheets at Panipat and other markets at Sonipath.

I love Yamuna Nagar and I love Haryana.

The Insignificant World out there

2009-08-30T19:40:00.015+05:30

It was early morning 0630 hrs. I have seen enough of early mornings in my life to last me a lifetime. When I was training early morning was 0500 hrs, when I was doing a morning watch on board my ship, early morning was 0400 hrs. Now I was doing this Sky Diving course and early morning was again 0530 hrs.

I had got up early morning then, and a cold and uncomfortable army jonga had ferried me to the airport from my Mess. For those adventure seekers, I recommend a ride in a cold, uncomfortable army jonga with an army jawan driving it. So there was no question of me being still sleepy when I reached the airport. I think our instructors had some doubt, so they had fauji chai ready for us at the airport. I was not sleepy at all, but my nerves were frayed and that tea did nothing to soothe them. Fauji chai....hmmm lots of everything in it, except taste.

So I had the chai and now with my parachute strapped behind me was waiting for the

Cessna to start up. I am usually emotionless and maybe the instructors mistook it as confidence. I was chosen to be the first one to go up in the small aircraft, and obviously that was not all.....I was also to be the first one to jump out. The aircraft spluttered and misfired and then finally started. It taxied to the runway and our instructor jogged up to the door. He signalled us to get in as per our pre decided sequence. My jump partner went in first and then the jump master and finally me, as I was to jump out first. The pilot, a cute sardarji looked at my sweating face and gave me a cute smile.

I immediately banished his smiling face from my mind and tried to concentrate on my jump. We had been trained enough on the ground, to the point that we had got irritated and were itching for some real action now. The make believe "out, in, out" and "1000, 2000, 3000" had haunted us in our sleep and we were all eager to feel the real thing. Suddenly now, as the plane was speeding to get airborne, I felt that I was not ready....I needed more training, what was I to do if my chute didn't open....Shit, I had forgotten. What if the plane crashed, what if I fell down now only.....my mind was blank, I was sweating, I wanted to get a grip on the smiling sardar's neck and force him to land the plane back. God, why was I doing this......and why in heavens name, had I volunteered for this? As the plane kept climbing, my pulse started racing even faster. My determination, not to jump steadily increasing.

The jump master patted my leg.....I forced myself to look at him. He gave me a thumbs up. That was procedure. He gave me a thumbs up, if I was ready I gave him a thumbs up. There was no looking back then. If I did not jump, i would be pushed out. There was no way I was giving him a thumbs up. No way in the world. I wanted the plane down, forget thumbs up. Well, speaking of soft drinks, I guess the sprite ad kicked in and I finally gave him a very shaky and sweaty thumbs up. The jump master immediately got into action. He aligned the pilot over the drop zone, asked him to slow down the plane, attached my rip chord to a strong point on the plane, maneuvered himself half in and half out of the door, and looked down.....5000 feet below waiting for the exact spot where he wanted me to jump.

I already told you I was emotionless. Now I became heartless, brainless, weightless....just mechanical. I forced my body onto the edge of the door and took my right leg out and kept it on the wheel of the plane, as I had so often done on the ground. But that was the ground and this was 5000 feet in the air with a strong wind making every movement impossible.

I braced my body with the left leg on the step of the plane and both hands on either side of the door frame. I dared not look down.....I looked straight....into the

sun.

So here I was, all ground instructions forgotten, heart beating wildly, 5000 feet above the ground, wind itching to pull me out of the plane, jump master waiting to give me the dreaded pat, wondering WHY I was here? My life flashed by in a second. My parents, brother, wife....all my seemingly large problems in life....nothing really mattered now. All that mattered was when the pat would come and whether I would jump.

And "pat" it came. Seemingly suddenly...out of nowhere. I looked at my jump master with a "What am I supposed to do now" look. I guess he had seen others like me. He calmly pointed out of the door and mouthed the words "JUMP". I nodded.....hesitated.....did a very unconvincing out....a huge in...and although I wanted to just stay in now....I shouted "ouuuuuuuuuuttt" and jumped out, not caring anymore what I remembered, what I had forgotten, what had happened to me, how scared I was, whether I was going to live, die......I just jumped and closed my eyes. I forgot 1000, 2000, 3000.....I forgot the emergency procedure.....I just jumped and waited......suddenly there was a huge flapping noise and my fall was broken. I knew what had happened or rather I hoped what I thought had happened and expectantly looked up (this was part of procedure) to see the huge blue and white canopy rapidly filling up with air...all lines were untangled and OK (in subsequent jumps, I was to have twists and other small emergencies, but thankfully the first jump was perfect) and the canopy deployed perfectly.

I immediately regained my composure and all the ground training kicked in. I steered the canopy into the wind using the rear risers and pulled out the toggles for steering my canopy further. All my anxiety gone, I started enjoying the flight now. I had done paragliding earlier so flying the canopy was not difficult for me. The terrifying part was jumping out of the plane and thankfully that was over. I enjoyed the proximity of the sun, the wind on my face, the sound of the fluttering canopy, the squares of different shades of green below. I did a couple of maneuvers, a stall, S turn, figure of 8 while continuously checking the altimeter. I did not stray too far from over the airstrip as that was my largest and safest reference (on later jumps I would be dropped so far away from this reference that even getting back as the crow flies was a miracle).

As soon as my alti showed that I was flying at 1700 feet I started on my landing circuit. it was very important to land into the wind and for that it was very important to do a perfect circuit. Also as I was the first jumper, I did not want to have a bad landing and scare the rest of my group. They say the only time you can actually get hurt while skydiving is on the ground (while landing). So I did a perfect circuit, the downwind, crosswind and the final landing leg and flared my canopy just when I was one and a half times my height above the ground. Thankfully I landed gracefully on my feet (I have always landed on my feet...till the time of writing this post...lets see how long my luck lasts).

I could feel my legs trembling and mouth parched and I walked back to the expectant group of waiting jumpers. I tried the Clint Eastwood swagger acting as if I just crossed a busy road and that was all. Everyone just pounced on me as soon as I was within pouncing distance.

"How was it?"

"Did you have an emergency?"

"How did you find your reference?"

There were a couple of beautiful girls in this expectant group, including the beautiful Chitrangada Singh, and I just waved off all questions. Remember, I had just crossed a busy road...that's all. I reserved my best smile for her and gave her a confident thumbs up.

I then rushed back to the hangar and downed a bottle full of water. The next thing I did was to thank God almighty for keeping me alive. I had to concentrate on my legs to make them stop shaking. I saw myself in the mirror and saw my scared, sweating and red face. I could not help but smile at myself for the way I must have looked out there trying to look unfazed while the truth was so evident.

Authors note: That was my first jump. An experience of a life time. I have had a few more after that. This is what I love about adventure, where life is at stake. EVERYTHING else in the world looks so inconspicuous and insignificant.

2009-08-20T20:46:00.003+05:30

Glenfiddich

Only one thing beats scotch...and that's scotch on the rocks. I was recently introduced to the pleasures of sipping scotch. I have been drinking from a very young age. Dad was trusting enough to let me sip the last drops from his beer can....So it kinda started then towards the end of school. I remember I joined the Navy as a cadet and being a cadet is not like being in college. We had no free time and "lights out" was at strict 2230 hrs....till then from 0530 hrs we were on our toes or even hands occasionally.

But then, our course had some ardent drinkers, who even after an action packed day had the energy to wake up till the duty officer finished his rounds and fell asleep, the news of which was transmitted to us through clandestine signals. We then brought out our bottle of Old Monk (the cheapest rum available), thermocol glasses and cheap namkeen. We then made our way to the roof, lay on our backs, watched the stars and sipped on our Old Monk, the hard day forgotten, waking up the next day nothing to worry about, blisters on our hands and feet seemingly stopped paining, the faces of seniors and their expressions when they hit us now seemed comical, the worry if we would be able to manage some extra butter on our toast tomorrow insignificant. Whatever they were, they were our biggest fears and worries, but right then our Old Monk took us to a different world where we were each with at least four girl friends and rocking and dancing and enjoying life.

Cut to now.

Its still the same. As sips of scotch find their way from my glass, to my lips, down my throat and to my stomach, the smile on my lips grows larger, the heady feeling increases. I forget what happened in office today, I choose not to remember what I have to do tomorrow. The friends and their laughter and banter has been replaced by solitude and sound of the AC humming. The wife's threats of no dinner if the flush is not repaired by tomorrow seems comical and at the end of the day, it seems to be a great world out there.

Three cheers to scotch on the rocks.

Authors note.

Drinking is injurious to health.

However me and my doctor share the love for scotch.

A Day Ten Years back in time

2009-08-17T21:23:00.002+05:30

It was raining cats and dogs last Sunday. A rarity in Delhi. The wife and I have spent numerous glorious years in Bombay immediately after marriage and we love the rain. Then we didn't have a car and used to travel from Powai to Colaba for shopping and Marine Drive, come rain, hell or high water (literally).

So just to relive those memories of bygone years the wife said spontaneously "Lets go out on a bike and get wet in the rain".....she had a twinkle in her eye. We had a car now, but preferred the bike.

We put our wallets in plastic bags (like the old times), took off our watches, put on sandals and set off on our bike. We just drove around soaking in the rain.....and when the rain stopped I drove through puddles just to get the real feeling.

We had skipped lunch and felt hungry by evening. We had now reached Chandni Chowk and decided to eat in the line of dhabas opposite Jama Masjid. The marinated chicken and fish hanging outside the shops looking ever so tempting. We finally selected Rafiq Chicken Corner and ordered a plate of chicken fry and roomali roti. We had Kentucky Fried Chicken now, but we preferred to eat this desi fried chicken.

Since we were on that side of town and Delite cinemas was close by, we decided to check out the much acclaimed Kaminey. As luck would have it the movie was house full. Now we had Delite Gold (a multiplex) right next door but we chose to buy tickets in black in the old Delite only. It must have been at least 6 - 7 years since we had bought tickets in black and so this only added to our nostalgia.

The movie was Ok and we came out by 9 feeling hungry again. As we were walking towards our bike in the drizzle we saw a thele wala making fresh jalebis on the pavement. Now we had Gole Market and Bengali Market on our way back, but we still chose to eat the lip smacking jalebi from the thela.

It was only when we got back home that we realised that we had unintentionally spent the day today as we would have 10 years back, when Cafe Coffee Day and multiplexes and KFC were not even visibe on the horizon.

We had a hearty laugh.

Bondage...err...Marriage

2009-08-14T20:04:00.005+05:30

A thick pal of mine.....beshht friend I'd call him if we were in school was speaking to me over a couple of drinks last week end.....He was fed up with his wife. "She doesn't let me do this, she doesn't let me do that".....he rattled on.."If I am away for more than an hour she calls in to check where I am....I have to call her thrice from office".....That discussion ended that day with a few more drinks, a couple of fags and a trip to Hardrock Cafe to sway to the hard rock music......but the next day and since....I have been thinking......

"What is marriage?"

Now I am sure everyone has their own answers to this question. Happily married, unhappily married, just married, enough married, unmarried girls, unmarried guys.......I am sure each has a different answer.......I dont want to dwelve into the answers that these people have on their minds...I have my own definition of the word marriage.

I remember looking at my Mama and Mami as a young kid and thinking how wonderfully married they were.....After I grew up, I asked Mami the secret....."Space" she said...that's what it is all about. I did not comprehend the enormity of that word in marriage until I got married and luckily for me, the wife and I got to stay close to them for a loooong time and I daresay our relationship is modelled on theirs.

A person does not stop being himself after marriage. Before marriage he has friends, he has ambitions, desires, hobbies, parents, moods, habits......so does the other partner. One cannot expect that after marriage, a person just pulls the reins of his life and hands them over to this partner for leading him.

Marriages last in India today as thankfully we still believe in traditions and customs and Divorce is taboo. But not for long...we are catching up with the west and already the number of divorce cases popping up in courts is increasing. As a very learned friend of mine recently told me...the two maximum number of court cases today are cheque bounces and divorces.

I think the marriage can only work if the partners respect each others individuality and provide each other with the space and freedom to grow. The relation is built on trust. If I am happy in marriage, if I love my wife and my family I will not stray and even if I do...I wont get far as this love will pull me back. Mind you, not the nagging of my wife...but her love will pull me back. In the other case, if my partner keeps suspecting me, nagging me, pulling me....I am more likely to stray.

Give the partner his time. Let him hang out with HIS friends occassionally. Give him time to persue his hobbies. Better still, try and enjoy each others hobbies and spend time together doing that. The trick is not just to spend time together but to spend quality time together. Spending two hours a day respectfully and lovingly conversing and cuddling is far better than spending the whole day together fighting and spitting venom on each other.

People say they get married when they grow up....I say get married and then grow up.

Wings to fly

2009-08-05T19:35:00.005+05:30

There was a time they were inseparable. She would call him everyday in the morning as soon as she reached office....before she started work. He would get up in the morning and start waiting for her call.

She would tell him of the day gone by. The screw ups she made, the things she learnt. She was just starting out in life. There was so much she would learn everyday and there was so much she had to tell him.

Sometimes he would advise her....sometimes he would just listen and let her fall....to stand up again and be stronger woman. He liked her, was attracted to her. She was a one in all....friend, confidant,punching bag, fantasy woman, child....yes she was that...nearly everything....

This went on for five years...and then she moved on.

Now he looks her up on orkut..he knows she has her stealth mode turned on....she always did. She will not know when he visits her profile..she wanted to be left alone. He visits her on facebook. Looks at her beautiful picture.....all her friends have commented..he dare not do it....and to think there was a time when she forced him to comment on every pic....made him reply every scrap.

He talks to the picture..she's still his confidant.....he smiles at her while he talks......"You know baby I am confused.....this happened today....kya karu aunty?".........she just keeps smiling back. Obviously she cant hear.

He gives up..cant talk to a picture. He feels the emptiness.....just logs out of facebok.....thers nothing he can do.

He prepared her for the world..gave her the wings......AND NOW SHE'S GONE.

The Dream...

2009-07-09T21:42:00.008+05:30

A Winter Evening.... 2015.... or sometime then...

Akash hated weddings.....He had never understood the concept. It happened only in this part of the world...or at least on such a mammoth scale. The bride was inconvenienced....a heavy lehenga, sticky make up, heavy jewellery and the plastic smile. The Groom was no better. Lakhs of Rupees spent on the decorations, the costumes, the gifts, the food, the whole show.....

He had never understood the concept.

Today he had consented to be a part of the show. It was his bosses wedding (the second one) and he had had no choice but to attend. He parked his car and made his way in through the grandly decorated entrance. He had passed the barat on his way in, but he was not interested in the dancing and the band. He had already decided to head for the bar, have a few quick drinks in succession, wish the couple, mark his attendance and leave.

He passed his friend and his wife as he headed for the bar and side stepped to avoid colliding with them.They exchanged smiles and Akash promptly looked away. He had no desire to strike a conversation and exchange pleasantries. He continued looking away and he saw her.....

Her back was to him. A red silk Saree......a sleeveless red blouse with silver embroidery.....nearly backless....her cascading hair covered most of her back....her left hand was holding a coke, and her right hand was gesturing. That right wrist was adorned with a diamond bracelet and that delicate ring finger had a diamond sitting on it. He could not see her face. He could not hear her voice. he could not breathe in her fragrance.......

He knew it was her....

It had been 15 years, since that fateful day when they had parted,but he recognised her silhouette. For the five years they had been together he had seen it countless number of times. He had seen it when she was standing reading her mark sheet in college and he had sneaked up behind her and given her a hug. He had seen it when she was angry with him and turned away. He had seen it when she stopped midway to talk to a friend and he waited behind her. Yes this was Mona.

Sometime in 1995....

Akash was then a young man. All of 18 years old. And as all teenagers are, he was just out of a relation. He was studying in college in Bombay and he was now visiting his parents in Delhi during his end semester vacations.

Mona was then a young lady. All of 18 years old. And as all teenagers are, she was just out of a relation. She was studying in college in Delhi. Akash and she had been class mates....long back in school. They had been friendly then, but that was just about it.

Those were years when there was no email, no cell phone, no orkut and no facebook. So Akash and Mona were destined to meet....to meet when they both were on a rebound, when they both needed support.

Akash through some common friends came to know that Mona was in college in Delhi and as he had nothing much to do in Delhi apart from spend time with his parents, he decided to visit Mona's college and try and see if he could connect with her.

Mona was ecstatic at seeing Akash. They immediately broke ice and bonded like old school friends. They caught a bus to India Gate and there they exchanged stories of their heart breaks. Both felt good after pouring their hearts out. They caught up on old times and filled in each other on the years gone by. Time flew and by the time they had exchanged stories and had three orange bars each, more than a few hours had passed. Akash dropped Mona to college and went back home.

A few days later...

Akash was due to leave back for college soon. Both of them had spent a lot of time together and easily gelled into each others personality. The signs were more than evident...

Akash wanted to eat....Mona knew what and where....

Mona wanted to shop...Akash knew exactly where to take her

Akash started to speak...Mona completed his sentence

Mona was sad....Akash knew how to cheer her up

Mona had also started going over to Akash's house and spending time there. She was well liked by his parents and in fact occasionally spent the night also at his house.

On one of those nights Akash and Mona was sitting in the living room and chatting....the usual friendly non sense....it was the same as it had been on earlier nights when Mona had stayed over and they had talked late into the night. On this night however, Akash was prepared and Mona was unaware.....

Suddenly.....just as Akash had cracked a joke and Mona was in splits Akash pulled out a rose from under his T shirt, got down on his knees and looked into Mona's eyes "Will you marry me?". Her mouth still open, in a T shirt and pyjamas, her hair tied behind her, the coffee mug still in her hands Mona did not understand...."Akash, this is serious stuff, not like the joke we just laughed on"

"I know, and that is why I am following the officially prescribed procedure, with a rose and down on my knees!"

"I like you a lot, and could feel this coming Akash. But have you thought it over? I don't want it to end like the last relation for both of us."

"It will not Mona. I love you. I can promise you tomorrow, but I cant buy back yesterday... I will be there for you till the end of time"

"Can i kiss you sweetheart?"

"Yes" said Mona and moved her lips forward. She had nice pink full lips, but Akash was looking elsewhere. He lifted her feet in his hands and kissed each one of them. You are mine today and forever...

Mona pulled him by his t shirt and hugged him close....she had tears in her eyes.

That was how it started.

The next morning Akash dropped Mona back to college in his Dad's old fiat. Just as Mona got out Akash asked her again "Hope you did not change your mind after sleeping on it through the night baby?"

"Akash, there's a lot you have to know about me....but let me help you with one fact about me. Once I say something I stick to it and with regard to your current question, I will love you with everything I have....till the day, if ever you break my heart.....and from that day I will never come back into your life...but all the broken pieces of my heart will still love you."

And so with his heart full of love, a spring in his step and a smile on his face Akash left back for college.

She wrote to him every single day. Sometimes twice. And Akash replied to every letter. Slowly his seniors in college caught on and hijacked his letters. He had to earn every single letter from them. Sometimes they made him do push ups, sometimes they made him run around the hostel, sometimes he bought them cream rolls. She called him on every Sunday evening at 5 PM sharp on his hostel phone. He used to start waiting from 4 PM and make sure that the phone was free at 5.

This went on for six months and then Akash went back to Delhi for his holidays. He reached home from the station and was pleasantly surprised to find Mona already waiting for him at home. He quickly whisked her onto the first floor and gave her a tight long hug...."I missed you luv...."

They spent nearly every single moment together. Shopping, eating, talking, holding hands.

"Mona, don't take me wrong, but would you consider coming with me to Bombay and spending a few days with me there?"

"hmmm naughty boy....whats on your mind" replied Mona

"Nahi, seriously...I just wanna spend all my time with you and don't worry even though the thought is very inviting, but I will not make love to you before we get married....so don't worry"

So Mona ended up with him on the train to Mumbai. They had a lovely time in Mumbai. Akash drove her around the city on his bike and walked hand in hand with her at Marine Drive. They even drove to Khandala on his bike. On the way back, it was late in the night and raining and chilly. Akash was shivering as he drove. Mona promptly took off her jacket and gave it to him. She then hugged him tight as she sat behind and asked "Sweety ko ab thand toh nahi lag rahi?"

Mona was scheduled to go back by train, but Akash wanted to spend some time with her, so he dug into the money Dad had given him for the semester and bought an air ticket for her. He got a few extra hours with her and in lieu he would go out lesser number of times that semester he reasoned.

Months turned into years and their love only grew. One day inside one of Mona's regular letters Akash found ash. She wrote "Akash, I have failed to make you understand that smoking is bad for you and you need to stop. As I don't see the point of living without you, I have also started smoking so that we can both die together."

May 2000

Akash's parents had come to know about their relation and were dead against it. Akash never understood why. His father was not keeping too well and had told him in no uncertain terms that he would have to choose between his parents or Mona.

Mona had also got the feel that everything was not right. On numerous occasions she had tried probing Akash to tell her what was wrong. She had been to Bombay to spend time with him a few more times over the years and now saw nothing beyond him.

"Nothings wrong baby, we will talk when I come to Delhi" Akash always told her

When Akash finally landed up in Delhi, the dreaded showdown between his parents and him happened. They told him that he had to stop his thing with Mona or else.....

Akash had to choose between his parents or Mona. He chose his parents. He went to meet Mona at her college and asked her to sit beside him in his Dad's fiat. "Mona, I know what I am doing is wrong. I love you, but I cannot see my parents like this. After I leave now, I will never ever see you again. Don't try calling me or writing. I will not respond."

Mona just looked at him....then she understood and then she realised he meant what he just said. She could not stop her tears, they just came cascading out. She didn't say a word. She opened the car door and got out. She walked a few steps then turned and came back. She put her head through the window and held his hand. She was crying hysterically. She kissed his hand. Her tears fell on his hand. he was helpless, there was nothing he could do. She looked into his eyes, the pain evident. She slowly extricated herself from her awkward position through the car window, turned and walked away.

She never looked back.

At the marriage in 2015

A child came running up to her and tugged her pallu. "Moooooommmy.......I am feeling cold". Mona promptly bent over and gave him a tight hug.

"Sweety ko ab thand toh nahi lag rahi?"

Akash was transported back in time. Who else could this be. Thank God, she was married and had kids..at least one. He was relieved. He had spend many a lonely night drunk and rueing that fateful evening he had dumped Mona so unceremoniously. She had never contacted him after that and in fact had seemingly vanished from the face of the earth.

Akash had tried tracing her out on so many occasions over the years. But he never found her. Not on facebook , not on orkut, not using google. None of the common friends knew where she was either. Either that or they had been instructed not to tell.

Either ways, Akash had no clue what became of Mona. How she dealt with the break up. Had she moved on, had she got married? Had she forgiven him. That was till today......Now he knew....

Suddenly Akash started feeling cold himself......he was nearly shivering.........

Sometime in 2009

He was still feeling cold......he was shivering and he was crying. He woke up with a start. His blanket had fallen off and the AC was at full blast. He sat up in bed crying and sweating.......

He still had no clue about Mona. He was still not relieved of the guilt......He would have to live with it till he lived....or atleast till his dream came true.

He deserved it.

The Pain errr Rain Dance

2009-06-22T20:47:00.003+05:30

The Rain Dance....a regular feature in the party circuit in town. The name itself fills the mind with images.....rain (natural or artificial), booze, dance, babes....

I also love rain dances and so does the wife. We have been to a number of them...in Mumbai....Kharagpur (yes of all places)...Delhi. Our experience has been varied....mostly good....sometimes bad. The bad mostly to do with the artificial rain not being continuous. Yes, it is really comfortable to get wet n dance, and then the rain stops and ur clothes stick to your body, and you sweat and you itch and then suddenly the rain starts again and then you feel cold and then you dance harder to feel warm and drink harder to feel warmer and then the rain rain goes away, just as if little Tommy wanted to play.

Anyway, we approached the rain dance last Saturday with mixed feelings. We had not been to a dance in ages so really wanted to let loose, but thoughts of little Tommy wanting to play again that night kept our enthusiasm in check. We reached the location with a few friends and occupied the table strategically located close both to the dance floor and more importantly the bar.

The music was blaring, the rain was pouring (they had rigged up showers being supplied from the swimming pool, so chances of the supply being interrupted were scarce). We had a few drinks just to set the mood and the momentum going.

And then we hit the dance floor. The DJ was exceptional. The music was mostly trance, and since I was already a few pegs down, I was enjoying the music and the head banging. Slowly the level of alcohol in my blood started reducing and I started noticing...........Noticing the people around me. The babes that I had been anticipating..........but here is what I saw.

Young girls...maybe still in school or just out......wearing next to nothing......beer bottles in their hands....dancing or at least trying hard. What little of clothes they had on were clinging to their bodies.....When the beer was gulped down, their hands went around their boy friends.....Yes, that is exactly what they were....boys....in school or just out........They were all over each other......

I was aghast....I consider myself still young...the current generation. But this was too much even for me. Had the generation gap already wedged itself between the next generation and mine. Even if it had, am sure the parents of this younger generation belonged to my generation or older. How could they allow this?

Was this the new status symbol?? Letting your kids dress like this...especially for a rain dance??? They say, the men are always at fault leching, groping, touching. But I am still a firm believer. If you ask for it so desperately... U will surely get it.

Parents wake up

So the babes for me were gone...what was left was the booze, dance, trance and rain....(lots of it)

And dance we did......in fact the dancing felt better now without the distraction of the babes.

The Retrospective Perspective

2009-06-13T06:58:00.004+05:30

I was lying in bed last night and staring into the ceiling. I do this occasionally. I imagine a copy of myself has emerged from the original and is staring at me. For the moment I become the copy on the ceiling.......Like it happens in the movies. I take stock of my life as a whole......birth to death and where I stand now. I look back at the path I have trodden and I try and clear the path for the future. I do this occasionally. The occasions are triggered by events during the day. If any event during the day has particularly jolted me, I let my copy come out at night.

Today the copy on the ceiling was giving me a dressing down on relations. It was teaching me "The Art of Maintaining Relations". I am a Cencerian. They call us the 'roots' kind of people. We take great pleasure in the comforts of home, family and friends. We are also famously called the 'crabs'. We are quick to retreat into our shells if it suits our mood. I am also a relation oriented person. Over the years, I have realised that my relationships fall into three categories:-

1. My Family. Its only my immediate family I am talking about here. My parents, brother (his wife and daughter), wife. The rest of my extended family falls into one of the other two categories. I believe in giving my family space. I may not be around all the time showing them my love and concern, but the slightest shadow of need and I will be there. I love my family

2. My acquaintances. These are most of the people I know. I meet them, I am cordial. I am friendly, its a friendship on a "as required basis". They need me I help them, and I hope when i need them they are there. Nothing very special about this category.

3. My Close Friends. This is where the problem lies. Now whether this arises from me being a crab or due to certain complex within myself I am not sure. This is where I was getting this therapeutic tongue lashing from my copy. I have a circle around myself, my space. This is the category of my relations whom I let enter into my space. Its like now I have them under my wings. My family is here and these friends are here. The rest are on the other side.

I tend to cling to these close friends. I like them to be around me always. There are not many of these but there are a few. I like to be in touch with them constantly. I don't mind being pro active in the balance. I can be the one to call, to message, to mail, to chat and I can be the one each and every time. I like having the continuous knowledge of what is happening in their lives, whether they need help or support. Basically I like remaining connected. Sometimes it gets suffocating.

This is what the copy on the ceiling was trying to get into my head.

"Just because they are in your inner circle, does not automatically mean you are there in theirs".

"You may want to stay connected, maybe they do not".

It was getting to me. I had noticed that some of these close friends had tended to call it quits with me in the recent years. maybe that is what my copy was telling me. All those people were not cancerians. Maybe they had no circle at all, so there was no question of me being there. They left my circle, i felt bad as I meant no harm. That was just my way of being nice, of making them feel special.

I am still confused.

Maybe I will let my copy come out again tonight.

A Holiday to Relax and Introspect

2009-06-09T14:23:00.001+05:30

Background

I love travelling and so does my wife. Its a kind of rule which we have made for ourselves, a good relaxing holiday at least once a year. We also decided to travel abroad to see the world. I am in the Navy and the advertisement to lure youngsters reads "Join the Navy to see the world". I dont know about the others but this had definitely motivated me. I had joined the Navy and hoped to see the world. Well, unfortunately the Navy decided to show to me India instead.

I have seen nearly all of India, some courtesy the Navy and more due to our penchant for travelling and visiting places. We love exploring places and storing all those memories as photographs. We had procured a large album and decorated the cover with the words "Our holidays". Unfortunately we were only able to lock up 2-3 holidays in there before the digital revolution hit us. Now the memories find place in the hard disk of my computer and in the online web albums. This is definitely a easier way to store and share snaps, but nothing beats the nostalgia of sitting together with the wife on a rainy evening with a hot cup of coffee in our hands and flipping theough the hard copies of our memories.

Anyway since 2 years had passed since our last holiday in "vilayat", and more importantly since the Government had decided to be kind enough and us give some extra money, I thought it was the right time and I had just about enough money to plan a holiday abroad. Our dream destination is America, but as that was turning out to be very expensive, we decided to travel to HongKong, Macau and Bangkok instead.

The planning

I believe that whilst travelling abroad, this is the most important phase. Maybe it is inspired by the famous military saying " The more you sweat in peace, the lesser you bleed in war". So we sweated. We decided our budget, we decided to take my sister in law along (for entertainment), we decided where we wanted to stay etc. We had learnt from previous experiences that abroad it is foolish to spend on lavish hotels as for the better part of the day one is out shopping or sight seeing and the hotel room is only used to crash into the bed and get ready for yet another day of shopping and sight seeing.

We found a travel agent, who did our flight tickets and hotel reservations for us. She also got us our foreign exchange. This we realised later was a foolish thing to do as it works out cheaper if one withdraws money from the ATM's abroad or better still swipe a debit card directly. However, one has to be careful with the card and swipe it only at trusted locations and never let the card out of your sight.

We also decide to travel light and take only 2 haversacks along.

The trip

Finally the day arrived when we had to leave. Our excitement was over shadowed by the enthusiasm showed by Shilpi (sister in law). This was her first trip abroad and she had full right to act this way. And then this was the reason we were taking her along.....drama factor.

My parents dropped us off a New Delhi airport well in time for the flight. We immediately started clicking snaps at all possible locations (duty free shop, security check in etc). I had already upgraded my camera storage to 2 GB so storage was not a problem. Soon we had boarded the flight and were climbing over Delhi. We had just about levelled off when the air hostess wheeled in the liquor cart. Now this is what I like about international flights and guess Shilpi also liked it. She asked me at the top of her voice "Jeej kya peena hai?". I gave her a glare and asked the hostess for a vodka and orange juice. Shivani settled for apple juice(her all time favourite). Three drinks and a nap later we were descending over Bangkok.

There was an hour between this flight and our connecting flight to Hongkong. But Suvarnabhumi Airport is huge and even after running on the travellators and ignoring all the lucrative duty free shops we just managed to board the flight to HK just as the air hostess was "closing and arming all doors".

Macau

I remember looking out of the window as were descending over HK and being fascinated by the lights. It was raining and the wings with the piercing landing lights seemed to be cutting through the rain. We landed safely and the first thing which struck me about HK airport was its enormity. We had to catch a metro from where we landed to where we had to do immigration. Now that is LARGE. Owing to the restricted budget we had planned to spend the night at the airport and proceed to Macau in the

morning. That idea did not seem very great now. We were tired, were thirsty...water here cost 12$ a bottle and that was not funny. So we bought one bottle of water, and me being the Navy man promulgated a watch roster (one awake, two sleeping) and we tried to sleep. In retrospect this was a good idea, as while Shilpi slept, Shivani and me worked out the details of how to reach Macau in the cheapest way possible, reallocated for budget for sight seeing and shopping (HK and Macau are very expensive places, which we realised then) and even re distributed our money.

We caught the first bus to the Macau ferry terminal and boarded a ferry to Macau. The ferry was more like a plane with similar seating and i daresay speed. We reached Macau and after immigration and a long wait for the hotel bus, finally checked into our hotel. Macau is a nice picture post card kind of city, which is very Portugese in appearance. Most of the main city is walkable and so walk we did. It actually consists of the Macau mainland and the islands of Taipa and Colone, which are connected by lovely bridges.

Our first sight seeing trip was the Macau tower which is known for Bungee jumping. Shilpi was all excited about taking the plunge till she looked down from the jump platform wherein her josh faded as fast as the high speed life which got us till here. The entry ticket for the tower itself was about 100$ (Rs 700/-) per head. We could see the whole of Macau from here including the huge Grand Lisboa and all the bridges. Macau does have the Chinese influence also and the delicacy of duck blood soup confirmed that. We spent 3 days in Macau and then headed back to the ferry terminal to catch the ferry back to HK. The girls did not try out the dreaded duck blood soup or frog legs and stuck to McDonalds instead.

HongKong

The plane like ferry took us back to HK within an hour. Both Macau and HK do not require a Visa and so immigration was quick with a stamp permitting us to stay for 15 days. With the way expenses were mounting I didn't think we would last more than 15 hours. HK is all about buildings, bridges and tunnels. It has the worlds largest airport (Chek Lap Kok Airport). The worlds

largest suspension bridge carrying rail and road traffic (Tsing Ma bridge). An underwater tunnel connecting Kowloon to HongKong Island and huge sky scrapers. So much so that on the day we landed in HK it was raining and we could not see the tops of most buildings as they were hidden by the clouds. Other than this the highlight of our trip to HK was a visit to Oceans Park. There we witnessed an amazing dolphin and seal show and also rode across from one mountain to another over the ocean in a cable car. This was dutifully recorded by Shilpi in our digicam with her commentary in the background. We also managed to grab an Indian Meal in HK consisting of lacha paratha and chole.

We also visited Stanley which is like a old fishing town at the South end of HK island. There is a beach there and we sat there at night and had a can of beer each. We spent three days in Hk and then proceeded back to the airport to catch our flight to Bangkok.

Bangkok

We landed in Bangkok and suddenly the world started looking like a better place. Everything was so much more reasonable and affordable. We could buy cold coffee and we could have boiled corn off the streets. We had rented a service apartment in Bangkok for 4 days and each and every day and minute and second here was spent on shopping.

Except for one day where I managed to coax everybody to accompany me to see the "Bridge on River Kwai". The monument was an eye opener for all of us about the atrocities commited on the allied soldiers by the Japanese.

I wanted to pick up a handycam for myself in Bangkok, but a comparison of prices revealed that it would be much cheaper to buy it in India. I had been looking forward to pick up a hybrid and some golf balls from here and that I did. The girls picked up sandals and purses till our haversacks were full and then they purchased three suitcases and more sandals and purses till even our new procurements were full.

Finally the day arrived when we were to head back to India. All said and done all our excitement for the foreign countries had faded and we were eager to get back to Mother India and some dal and roti. On the way back I did manage to pick up one bottle of Glen Fiddich and Glen Livet each. I had no Bhats left and had to swipe my card. I also picked up one bottle of Baileys Irish Cream with a hint of coffee...the latest from Baileys.

Intospection

As soon as we landed back in Delhi and in fact even before that Indianness as I call it, hit us. Even before the plane touched the ground all Indians had their mobiles out and were talking. When the air hostess tried to dissuade them, they started arguing with her. Empty packets, wrappers were strewn all over the plane's aisle.

As we entered the airport, the stark contrast compared to HK or Bangkok airport was more than evdent. Immigration was preceeded by a never ending line. All the smart Indians were trying to jump in fornt of each other in the queue. All the nicecities of vilayat, the Pleases the Than Yous were all forgotten there it seemed.

It felt nauseating. All the while specially in HK in Macau we had not heard a honk on the road. Allvehicle drivers knew the rules and followed them letter and spirit. There were lines everywhere, there were queues, there was always a smile, a please, a good morning and thenk you. All Indians I met there followed these courtesies. What had changed here.

Is is the people that make a country or a country that makes the people. When one can do it there, why not here?

Whenever I return from a holiday whether in India or abroad, I make a pledge or I renew the pledge to make India a better place. One person can make a difference. I can be that one.

My Favourite Love Song

2009-05-17T13:14:00.000+05:30

This song really gets me going. It gets tears to me my eyes when I am down, makes me jog when I go for a walk and surprisingly makes me dance when I am happy. It's got everything which gets me going....drums, guitar, lyrics, depth, Bon Jovi and finally Love......

"I'll Be There For You"

I guess this time you're really leaving

I heard your suitcase say goodbye
And as my broken heart lies bleeding
You say true love it's suicide

You say you're cried a thousand rivers
And now you're swimming for the shore
You left me drowning in my tears
And you won't save me anymore

Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

I know you know we've had some good times
Now they have their own hiding place
I can promise you tomorrow
But I can't buy back yesterday

And Baby you know my hands are dirty
But I wanted to be your valentine
I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby
When you get drunk, I'll be the wine

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

[Solo]

And I wasn't there when you were happy
I wasn't there when you were down
I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby
I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out

I'll be there for you
These five words I swear to you
When you breathe I want to be the air for you
I'll be there for you
I'd live and I'd die for you
Steal the sun from the sky for you
Words can't say what a love can do
I'll be there for you

Are professional friends personal?

2009-05-15T22:43:00.000+05:30

I take pride in doing my job. I take pride in the fact that my professional opinion is exactly that "professional. If I know I speak, or i keep shut.

I care for my sub ordinates and got all out to shield them. When they are right I shield them and when they are wrong I shield them, but in this case I have them when I am alone with them.

I treat my seniors as seniors. When they are right I obey them. When they are wrong I tell them that my opinion differs. If they still insist, I persist. Depending on how right I think they are, depending on how much more experienced they are, depending on my analysis of what brings them to this decision, I decide whether I think they are right or wrong. Depending on this decision of mine, I either comply with their orders or I ignore, I say no, or I or the senior in question takes the matter higher up the chain of command for resolution.

Most of the people who have worked under me swear by me. I am not beating my own drum. Most of them call me even after years of parting ways. Most will cross a crowded street to come n greet in public. i feel honoured.

Life has not exactly been a bed of roses for me, but this respect, love and concern by my subordinates makes up for most of it.

I cant tell U exactly what my seniors feel about me. The seniors who see through me, and understand my ideology and way of work get gifts for me when they go abroad. They call my wife n wish her birthday. They ping me on gtalk or messenger.

I dont care what the seniors who dont understand me think about me.

I am narrating this as today in office I had a fight with a senior who is not very senior to me. More of a friend than a senior. My neighbour who also happens to work with me in office and is slightly senior to me.

Our ideologies clashed and our methodologies differed. This senior has been groomed in a different way, I in a different way. I dont know which ideology is right, which methodology works.

This senior took this clash of ideologies to a personal level. "I am senior to you. You better wish me in the morning. Mind you" Totally unexpected. At this level cant we differentiate personal and professional.

I told U what I think about seniors who dont understand me. That is professional. I would have completely ignored this senior and moved on. Maybe I am arrogant. This is what I am.

The instant case is different. This senior was a close friend, a confidant. My neighbour in the life after office. Professionally I dont care.

Personally it hurts.

The Grumpy Sweetheart....

2009-05-06T22:56:00.002+05:30

Some time in 2003.........Outside Kurla Station.

Coolie Coolie........Thanda le lo.......the shouts merged into the background as the black and yellow taxi screeched to a halt outside Kurla station. Those were still the days when the blasts has not rocked Mumbai......the recession had not set in and yes the Taxis were still coloured black and yellow. Rahul effortlessly slung his heavy haversack over his shoulders, wiped the beads of sweat off his forehead, stepped out of the taxi and asked the Taxi driver "bhaiya kitna hua".....He could have addressed the driver as Bhai or Bhedu but preferred Bhaiya as he was travelling to Lucknow and there Bhaiya was everywhere.

Rahul looked at his watch and smiled, satisfied that he still had a clean hour to board his train. He liked to arrive well in time at stations and airports and bus stands so that he could observe and gather. He liked watching people, the way they dressed, the way they walked and talked, the kind of luggage they carried. He then tried to work his way into their back grounds and into their lives, into the hours preceeding their presence here. This was his way of entertaining himself and this was the way he had been trained.

He made his way into the station. His 5 feet 10 inch frame and 70 kgs did not make people sit up and stare nor did his distinct good looks let people ignore him. He was fit and at 28 felt proud that he had still maintained a flat stomach. He made his way to platform number 7 having already glanced at the notice board to make a mental note that his train was leaving from that platform.

The train had already made its way to the platform and Rahul crossed number of eager passengers loking at the reservation charts, hoping that some stroke of bad luck had not ommitted thier name from the reservation list. Porters were hauling cartons and gunny bags from carts into the brake vans. Rahul kept walking. His coach A 3 was towards the end of the train. He thought of picking up some biscuits and bottled water for the journey but then decided against it as he expected to be served atleast mineral water and snacks on the train as he had coughed up a huge sum for the AC 2 tier tickets.

Maybe he was influenced by all the other people travelling with him, or accepting the fact that bad luck could strike even him, Rahul confirmed that his name was on the reservation chart. As he moved his finger down the list of names he heard a voice behind him "Excuse me". Rahul looked back and saw this girl. Blue jeans and a black T shirt, wavy hair cascading down her shoulders, fair like marble, long delicate fingers, pink full lips, dark deep eyes. His reverie was broken as this girl said "Lets see if our names are there". It was then that Rahul noticed this young boy, about 15, tall, gawky, lost. He presumed this was her brother. Along with them was a much older man. White hair, simply dressed, strong arms. He was carring the luggage and Rahul presumed him to be their grand father or a distant Uncle.

Rahul immediately stepped aside and moved towards the door to enter the compartment and look for his berth. He liked getting his luggage in early so that he could keep it in the relatively safer location under the lower berth and towards the window. From the corner of his eyes he noticed the trio scanning the reservation chart. He hoped the girl was travelling alone.

Rahul had heard of numerous stories from friends. Stories of how when they were travelling alone on a journey and they met this sexy girl who also was apparently travelling alone and how they went up and spoke to her and how the rest of the otherwise boring train journey had become a life long memory. Secretly Rahul hoped that someday lady luck smiled on him too but deep inside he knew that even if he got lucky he would not be able to make the memories as he could never make himself speak to a unknown girl. Whether it was self respect, or the fear of rebuke or the fact that he never needed to do this as girls always walked upto him, the fact was that he could not do it.

The horn blared loudly and the train started moving, dot on time. Rahul went into the rest room and freshened himself up. He then walked upto the door and caught both handles on the opposite sides of the door with his hands. He felt the cool salty breeze on his face and felt nice. He was going to Lucknow to meet his Masi and his parents and was generally in a peppy mood. The train chugged into Karjat station and shouts of "vada paav, vada paav" brought Rahul back into the present. He was feeling a little hungry by now and procured a plate of vada paav and fried chillies. The stop was not very long and the train started moving even as he took a large bite of the paav and bit into the fried chilly.

"Mirchi nahi lagti kya aapko?" Rahul turned around to see his marble fair lady in jeans looking at him questioningly. She was even more attractive up close. He could see the thin blue veins on her fingers and fore arms. She was wearing a tight blue jeans and blue sneakers. The black sleeveless top contrasted with her fair skin. "Finished checking me out?" she continued. Not more than 20, maybe teen aged thought Rahul.

"Well, err mirchi...nahi. Wanna try some".

"No no I have more important thing to be concerned about that yeh vada paav. My kid brother is inside, we are travelling alone for the first time and we have only one confirmed birth" said the girl. Rahul finished his vada paav, downed the chilli and said "Hi, I am Rahul and i cant sleep on trains, You can take my berth. I will stand or sit here at the door" chivalrous as ever.

"I am Sheetal" replied the girl, looking him straight in the eye. Their eyes met. There was something in those eyes and smile. Inviting yet warning, pure yet adultrated, naughty yet stern...yes they were different.

They ended up talking most part of the night near the door with Rahul leaning on the wash basin and Sheetal resting her back on the opposite wall. For the most part she talked and Rahul looked. He was not much of a talker anyway. It was long since he had talked to a girl like for more than 10 minutes, forget the whole night.

"So what kind of a girl do you like" asked Sheetal

"Anykind, You'll do" She slapped him playfully.

"You know what i fantasise about?" teased Rahul

"Bolo bolo" she urged

"Well, a shapely.........bottle of chilled pepsi on a hot n humid day" This time the slap was not playful.

The night passed away effortlessly and dawn was breaking as the train was passing through a village. They decided to catch some sleep and said Good night.

Sheetal sunggled in next to her brother and Rahul to his berth. It took a long time for sleep to set in. He kept reviewing the talk with her in his mind. " Should i ask her for her number, or will that make me look like a despo?" He had learned that Sheetal had just come down to Mumbai for a holiday and was based in Lucknow, in college. So there was no chance of meeting her again unless he made an effort now. Unable to decide, he decided to sleep on it.

He was shaken up by a tug at his feet. He was up in a flash sitting on his berth fully awake. He had been woken up in numerous other rougher ways and this was loving in comparison. He saw his lady in jeans standing in the alleyway and beckoning him with a finger.

"Hmmm, no Good morning, no please! A dominating one" thought Rahul

He jumped down cleanly from the top berth and followed Sheetal out to the now familiar territory near the door.

" We will reach Lucknow in about an hour" started Sheetal "Want my number so that we can stay in touch?"

"Well, looks like someone else also slept on this question" mused Rahul

"Well yes... I mean sure give me your nuumber"

"9839091240, Call me anytime or message. I have no issues". Rahul made a mental note of the number and his gaze shifted to her eyes. "Naughty eyes" he thought to himself.

They chit chatted and Rahul's gaze drifted to Sheetals hands. "Wow, delicate and well manicured, slight nail polish, not too dark, not transparent". He nearly fell onto her as the train braked.

"Well thats it, I guess. We move on now. Call me if you feel like" With that Sheetal collected her bags and kid brother and got down on the station and immediately got lost in the crowd.

Mumbai 2003 - 2005

Rahul got back to Mumbai after his vacation to Lucknow followed by a short stay in Delhi. He had tried to forget Sheetal and her marble skin, but without success. He had on numerous occassions treaded on the thin line one side of which urged him to call her and the other side of which told him to control himself and move on.

"Huuuloh" said a very mature voice on the other side. Rahul had finally mustered up the courage and called her up. The voice on the other side sounded very mature and lady like. Most unlike the chirpy Sheetal he had encountered on the train.

"Must be her Mom....Shit. Anyway, forget it. I'd better not call again". It was only later that Rahul came to know that Sheetal's phone was never answered by anyone else. She never parted with her phone.

A day or two passed with Sheetal never leaving his mind. Finally when he could take it no more he texted her "I still fantasise about you". No reply as the day passed and the next.

He called her again. "Huuuloh" said the same voice.

"Err...Hello.....Hmmmm Aunty can I speak with Sheetal please" fumbled Rahul.

"This is Sheetal Dumbo, and why did you hang up the other day. Are you afraid of me?"

"How did you know this is me? It never occured to me you were smart".

"Well, its only you who can fantasise about a bottle of Pepsi and me at the same time" and they both burst out laughing.

The bond grew after that. They were hesitant at first.

"Can I call you pls now?" messaged Rahul. "There is no need to seek my permission. If you feel like calling, just call" answered Sheetal

Slowly and steadily they grew close. They messaged each other every day. Rahul called most times and Sheetal always took his call. Sometimes their banter was friendly, sometimes playful. Sometimes it bordered on being mildy erotic.

"What would you have done on the train that night if I had let you?" asked Sheetal

"What do you mean let me? You were actually falling on me. Which decent girl asks a guy mirchi lag rahi hai kya when you dont know him at all?"

"Shut up! I was just concerned, as you did not even have a bottle of water with you"

"Well.....I would have taken your hand in mine.......and pulled you close...."

"then" asked Sheetal

"Looked into your eyes and slowly brushed my lips against yours while my hands..."

"Thats enough" shot Sheetal "Despo"

Somehow the lives of Rahul and Sheetal moved in tandem. In Jul 2005 Rahul got selected to undergo his PG in Kharagpur and at the same time Sheetal finished her graduation in Lucknow and decided to do her MBA from Delhi.

"Hey, I have got admission in Amity in Noida. Had to pay a huge donation. Luckily Dad is a businessman" quipped Sheetal. "I know you will also be moving to Kharagpur soon. Since we both will be changing cells lets exchange our numbers over email. Take care till then and be good, naughty boy"

Kharagpur 2005 - 2007

"Yippee....I have a lappie" she had not meant it to rhyme, but thats the way it ended up.

Rahul wondered what a lappie was. She had finally called. Rahul had moved to Kharagpur and was trying to get used to the scorching sun and the unrelenting heat. It had been about 10 days since he had reached there and there was still no news from Sheetal. He had left his new cell number on her email and was expecting a call from her anytime.

"Laptop, idiot." she continued. They started talking on a daily basis from then on. Rahul was finding studying difficult after a long gap and life in Amity was different for Sheetal after the comforts of home. "They have given me a ground floor room. Its actually in the basement. Its damp and cold. I need to go home and get some blankets and some utensils"

Rahul had lived many years of his life in hostels and so was her guiding star. "Get a emersion rod and make maggi at night. Keep pickles, bread and biscuits in your room at all times" He advised her.

With the sudden freedom Sheetal was also freaking out. "You know there is this cute guy in my class. Hes chooo cute" she told him one day.

On another day "You know I met this merchant Navy guy and I made him do things to me in the back seat of the car"

"Dont do that Sheetal. It will so embarassing if you get caught by someone. Also atleast meet a guy twice before getting physical with him". Rahul scolded her.

First year was soon coming to an end for both of them. They had found another means of staying connected. Google Talk. Both their campuses were connected to the internet and Sheetal was online most times from her lappie.

December 2006

"You know I met this guy at a party and I mailed him a flirtatious mail. Sheetal told Rahul. "I have forwarded the mail to you he he"

Rahul went through the mail and launched at her again. "Sheetal thats so cheap. You are literally telling him that you are available and want to go to bed with him. How cheap can you get" Sheetal just smiled. She was always this way naughty, sunky and a mind of her own.

Another week later she told him "I spent last night with Chintu".

"Shit, thats quick even by your low standards" said Rahul. They had started addressing this guy as Chintu now. Sheetal slowly grew close to him. Chintu stayed alone in an apartment in Malviya Nagar and she slowly started spending most nights with him. They were virtually living in together. Sheetal used to catch an auto to college each morning and back at night to be with her new found love.

Looking back I think that was the time when the rift began.

Rahul till then over the years had come to depend very heavily on Sheetals friendship. He had got used to speaking to her everyday and messaging her whenever he was free. But with Chintu, for the first time since they had met Sheetal found herself busy and occupied.

Sometimes she would not take Rahul's call. At other times she told him that she was busy and he should not call him after 5 in the evening as she was with Chintu.

When she did take his call, the coversation was Chintu centric. "We went shopping for the house today. Bought some curtains and mats and vegetables" or "I met Chintu's friends at this party yesterday. You know Chintu is so hard working, all his friends admire him".

On one such occasion Rahul found Sheetal to be a little put off, a little cut up. "What happened baby" he asked her?

"Kuch nahi, I should not sleep with Chintu everyday na" she asked him.

"How come you getting what I am saying. What knocked your head?"

"I missed my period" she broke down finally. I am 4 days over due. "Shit, what am I going to do?"

"Have you told Chintu?" was the first thing Rahul asked.

"No"

"Why?"

"He wont understand and wont take it seriously. Help me Rahul" she continued.

"What can I do. I warned you before. Should have atleast used a condom. Anyway lets wait for a few days more" Rahul told her.

A few days passed. Rahul called her everyday and asked how things were. She had shifted back to her hostel room as she wanted to be alone she said.

After a couple of days. "Any luck?" Rahul asked her.

"No re. Rahul what will happen if I am pregnant?"

" Well if you are then we will get an abortion done. I have friends there. I will put you through. It will be taken care of"

"Will you come here to be with me?" she asked

"You want me there?"

"Yes, I need you if the situation arises. Promise me you will come."

"Why, you have your Chintu there with you na"

"I dont trust him half as much as I trust you sweetie" she said

"In that case, Promise"

A few days later Sheetal had her period and a few days after that she was back with Chintu.

Delhi 2007

Rahul finished his PG and moved to Delhi. He expected to meet Sheetal regularly now. Althought they had not met much but they had talked nearly every day for the last 4 years and messaged and chatted on a regular basis. Sheetal had become a part of Rahul's life.

Sheetal meanwhile had finished her MBA and had had joined Fermosa. It was her first job and she was loving it.

"Congrats" said Rahul " Now you treat me and also give me Five Lakh when I need to take possession of my house. You are a rich lady lady now. MBA and all.

"Le lena yaar, jo chaiye jab chaiye"

"Acha, you are saying it now. When the time comes you will not even recgnise me". It is said that saraswati sits on the tongue once in 24 hours. It was just that once for Rahul. He had no idea how true this statement of his was going to be.

Sheetal stuck with that job for a few months. It involved a lot of interviews and hiring and travelling. The salary was also not upto her expectations. She was on the look out for a change and jumped on it when she got the oppurtunity. A friend of hers told her about this opening at naukri.com and she took it up.

She got busy in her life with naukri and Chintu and the daily calls to Rahul reduced to once in two days and then three.

"Hey, Ive seen this profile on orkut. This guys a bengali and parents are in Kolkata. We have chatted and he seems nice" She told Rahul on one of the now occassional phone calls. Chintu went out of her life and Mr Kolkata came in. He seemed to be making all the right moves and touching all the right chords of her heart.

Jan 2008

The calls reduced to once a week and then fewer.

One one such call. "Rahul, I think I have screwed my life enough. I have had enough of these flings and relationships and I want to unwind and get a grip on my life now"

"Does that mean this is your last call to me?" asked Rahul

"Well for some time atleast" said Sheetal

"Sheetal, why do I feel like I am the only one getting this treatment from you? Have you quit talking to all your other Chintus" asked Rahul sarcastically. He had been expecting this for a long time and still did not know how to react when it was actually happening. He had grown to depend on Sheetal. Had got used to her calls and messages. He had got used to having her in his life.

Time moved on. Rahul knew what she was dong was right but his heart did not accept it. He messaged her occassionally.

"Why me Sheetal? Why only me. We were so close and like the best friends. Why you doing this to me?"

He gave her missed calls but she completely ignroed him.

Sometime in May 08 she gave him a missed call back when he gave her one of his routine missed calls. It had been months since she had messaged him. He missed her voice. This was her signal that she wanted him to call.

"Hello" he said gruffly.

"Kya Hua? she asked.

"Kuch nahi, how come today you decided to let me speak with you?" His sarcasm knew no end.

"Rahul, you have to understand. I want to undo whatever wrong I have done in life. I need some space and time to think about my life and move on in life. I have had enough of these time pass relations which have no future."

"Why only me?" said Rahul

"Give me time. Let me sort things out. If I feel like I will revert to you. Try and understand"

"Ok" said Rahul and kept the phone.

Now.....May 2009

About a year has passed since then. Sheetal never reverted. Rahul keeps visiting her profile sees that her profile says she is married. Mr Kolkata is her husband. He cant see any of her snaps or read her scraps (to know how she is faring in life) as he is not there on her friends list anymore. Chintu still figures in her friends list.

Rahul still waits for her to revert.

The state of India's Hill Stations!!

2008-01-01T14:48:00.000+05:30

We recently went on a holiday to Manali and I was appaled to see the state of cleanliness there. Garbage dumps were over flowing, People were littering everywhere. What can we do about it? Is education the problem..are the Indian citizens not educated enuf or is it an attitude problem with us Indian,s. We dont do this things in Singapore or any other foreign country. What is the problem here??